Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Things to really do before you die...

Now, we are dominated by lists. Britain is dominated by London and London is dominated aby upwardly mobile creative and/or financial types with time and money on their hands. Things to do before you die lists are really professional class wishlists, as is typical, everything is average nowadays, including lists. Here's some stuff to really do before you die.

(1) Release an album called Chinese Democracy. The Offspring threatened to call one of their albums Chinese Democracy. Axl Rose on the other hand claims his album is in the mixing stage... So, only another four years to beat him to the punch.

(2) While we're on a musical theme, release a double A side of covers, one of The Coral's In The Morning and the other of, ahem, Razorlight's In The Morning, just to see which gets the airplay.

(3) Slap US military spokesperson Lieutenant Colonel Steven Boylan about the face several times. He clearly has no sense of personal self-worth or integrity. He is a man who described a mass demonstration against his own imperial enterprise as "progress, there's no two ways about it." Well, yes it is, darling, but it's the light at the end of the tunnel that turns out to be a train, and it's heading your way. Also, add to that Northern Ireland Secretary Peter Hain, who was pleased the new coalition government told him to fuck off home 9 weeks early.

(4) Discover what "British Values" actually are, determine exactly what makes them 'British' (common to people from a certain set of islands off Western Europe), and, please, please tell Billy Bragg.

(5) Discover the recipe for eternal youth. It's all very well living on through your works. It'd be even better if you could live on through not dying.

No comments: