Suzie Newsreader [sincere]: This just in; absolutely nothing of any importance happened yesterday. It's official, there is no news. We go live to Matthew Doublechin [cut to Matthew] in Westminster, Matthew, how is it looking from where you're standing?
Matthew [index finger jammed in left ear]: Well, Suzie, I can see a rather large building, ornate looking with a big clock on top.
Suzie: What time is it?
Matthew: It's just gone [pause to look] one o'clock.
Suzie: That must be why this is the One O'Clock News.
Matthew: I guess so.
Suzie: Are there many politicians about?
Matthew: No, a lot of them will have gone away to spend more time with their second homes.
Suzie: Thank you Matthew. We go over now to Nick Strangebias in the City of London [cut to Nick]. How are the markets being affected by the lack of news.
Nick [weird, semi-athletic stance - excited delivery]: Well the stock market isn't trading at the moment but the news that there's no news is bound to make something happen. The index is likely to go up [pause]... or down [back to Suzie].
Suzie: Thanks for that. Elsewhere hundreds of thousands of Arabs from across the Middle East are putting their lives on the line in the struggle for democracy [long pause]... And now the weather where you are.
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